Quarantinewhile... Stephen Offers A Solution For Colombia's Cocaine Hippo Problem

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Quarantinewhile... To our friends in Colombia who are grappling with the environmental devastation wrought by Pablo Escobar's escaped pet hippos, Stephen Colbert offers a solution by way of Florida. #Colbert #Meanwhile #Quarantinewhile
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

评论

  • momcatwoo
    momcatwoo9 天 前

    RAT SAFARI is my new nickname for the last four years.

  • diego brainin
    diego brainin24 天 前

    start from 2:07

  • Grey_Jedi_ Knight_Ali
    Grey_Jedi_ Knight_Ali27 天 前

    Damn I missed random stories like this. The earth is healing. 😂

  • Dawn Bee
    Dawn Bee个月 前

    Omg when he said I'm upset for having to read that LMAO

  • charles Mendoza
    charles Mendoza个月 前

    I need audience's laugh.

  • paperbackwriter80
    paperbackwriter80个月 前

    A Wheel of Time Trailer!?

  • Brayden H
    Brayden H个月 前

    Can I not get a fucking notification for a video I saw the day it came out. Via. A notification

  • Jacqueline Morrison
    Jacqueline Morrison个月 前

    You. Almost. Killed. Me. Thanks..

  • Posturtle
    Posturtle个月 前

    I have less difficulty imagining that "trailer park crop top" since I live in Florida.

  • Ghost Apophis
    Ghost Apophis个月 前

    Lmfao cloaca pervs

  • raarnt
    raarnt个月 前

    That Gwyneth jab at the end... killed me hjahahaha

  • Jennifer Hizzy
    Jennifer Hizzy个月 前

    gROSS

  • Jennifer Hizzy
    Jennifer Hizzy个月 前

    hahaha the snake bit funny

  • Tessa Burkhamer
    Tessa Burkhamer个月 前

    TY Jon for pushing the love energy ❤

  • Brandon Robinson
    Brandon Robinson个月 前

    Jon is so awesome

  • Daniel LaDue
    Daniel LaDue个月 前

    Everyone knows that dinosaurs were just big pieces of velacichicken.

  • hatfieldrick
    hatfieldrick个月 前

    Yeah, what's the big deal about fossilized dinosaur assholes? You can see those any time; the GOP is packed with 'em.

  • Eat Dicks
    Eat Dicks个月 前

    That Quebec story is weeks old if you live in Canada 😂

  • Shane Kräuchi
    Shane Kräuchi个月 前

    At least I'm not seeing Rudy's melting head. Shit! The one picture that grosses me out the most is the one they keep showing!

  • A J
    A J个月 前

    It’s a ginger bat

  • Melanie Scuka
    Melanie Scuka个月 前

    How nice it is not hear about trump lol

  • Mary Lewens
    Mary Lewens个月 前

    The last two made me snort with laughter 😆😆

  • Round Ruby
    Round Ruby个月 前

    Don't pause. This is CNboth, if we need to stop your video because we are rolling in laughter, that is a good thing! Don't just give us silence, assuming we need it, that just makes it awkward. The only time the pause made sense was at 4:49 where it emphasized the cringe. Otherwise great video, thank you.

  • fantasticmio
    fantasticmio个月 前

    Dinosaur bones kinda *are* big, freaky chicken bones...

  • LynnP
    LynnP个月 前

    Trailer park crop top!

  • Dog's Deals
    Dog's Deals个月 前

    Am I the only one that skips over the pointless banter intro?

  • Ross Kastanie
    Ross Kastanie个月 前

    Jon Batiste: "I'm pushing the energy, I'm pushing the love" Me: "Yes, indeed!"

  • Garth2The2ndPower
    Garth2The2ndPower个月 前

    Cocaine hippos?! Man, I'm glad I live in Canada. The worst we've got here are those little house hippos.

  • D K
    D K个月 前

    STEPHEN: Switch places with Johnny B., you play the tunes and let him do at least a couple of interviews or a monologue. Purdy, please!!!!

  • h5u7p5gt
    h5u7p5gt个月 前

    Just hearing Stephen Colbert mention "butthole" almost made me spit out my coffee. Warning: don't drink anything during this segment.

  • Christian V-H
    Christian V-H个月 前

    Glad to see paleontology getting some representation in the news and late night shows... Even if it's in the form of dinosaur butts.

  • Oof the golden fox
    Oof the golden fox个月 前

    COCAINE HIPPOS

  • Legal Eagle
    Legal Eagle个月 前

    Is Colbert going to try comedy now since his activism is over?

  • Anthony Grider
    Anthony Grider个月 前

    Follow no more lies. trump conned them to over look the crooked deeds he does., Turns out he wasn't who they thought he was., He just left throwing them under a bus., Now listen to most of them being so hush. Maga and Q turned out to be crap., They drunk too much kool aid from the tap., Their big moment took away in a zap. They trigger so easy hear them cry., That's what they get for believing a lie. The rest of us needs to move on, if they don't leave them behind., As they chase more lies and lose more of their mind., Rebuild our country and soon brighter days we will find.

  • peepso escamilla
    peepso escamilla个月 前

    The abhorrent relative frustratingly trip because lotion parenthetically drip amidst a silky reduction. caring, simple basketball

  • Tania Gordon
    Tania Gordon个月 前

    😂😂❤❤❤❤

  • Legit Paircaptcha
    Legit Paircaptcha个月 前

    The common select uniquely sound because street optically tow below a spotless helmet. abject, easy page

  • שוש כהן
    שוש כהן个月 前

    : 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗨𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲(𝘀) 𝗼𝗳 𝗛𝘂𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘁 America is in a state of deep scrutiny. So is humanity. Today’s America presents the future state of humanity: If the world advances the way America is advancing, we will end up being divided between two blocs that hate each other in every sense-ideologically, approach to life, culture, education, and every other way. It will be impossible to connect the adversaries, just as it is impossible to connect the Democrats with the Republicans in today’s divided United States. As things are, there will be no calm. It seems as though things have gone out of control, but they haven’t. It is simply what happens when the ego wants to govern and will not hear of anything less than that. It does not want connection; it wants domination. It may be horrifying to watch, but we are merely witnessing the natural process. When everything revolves around who has more and who has less, and when the ego keeps intensifying, we come to a state where the ego wants everything, and to leave absolutely nothing to the other side. This is what you get when you don’t educate people. It doesn’t matter how much you invest in aid packages and relief programs, when the ego comes to a state of all or nothing, nothing helps. Therefore, we should thank America for the example it is giving us, at its own expense. We should thank the American people for setting an example that demonstrates what our future will be like unless we achieve unity among us. In other words, if we don’t achieve a united state in humanity, humanity will become like today’s United States: an assortment of nations, colors, races, and faiths that hate each other to death, and do everything they can to cater to their hatred.

  • E K Daufin
    E K Daufin个月 前

    Which African country Stephen? It’s a continent remember. Love Evie laughing.

  • Petitio Principii
    Petitio Principii个月 前

    This bat is affected by a virus that transforms everyone in people who seem related to Trump. Orange-reddish skin and hair.

  • theBellIsTolling
    theBellIsTolling个月 前

    trailer-park crop top of news. :)

  • joebstarsurfer
    joebstarsurfer个月 前

    Another point the protests in Russia give them press surprise social media won't.

  • joebstarsurfer
    joebstarsurfer个月 前

    Remember The Ukraines green men .Why do the media not mention Russian influence over the militia groups .The veteterans in the senate unless that's false info.007

  • Arthur He
    Arthur He个月 前

    I want to see COlbert interview Gwenyth one day

  • equarg
    equarg个月 前

    Me the first time I heard about “wild” hippos in South America :😳🤨 Hearing they are there because of a drug lord....🤦‍♀️

  • natalie harless
    natalie harless个月 前

    OMG! Orange bats??!! T is one sick dog!!!!! 😂😂😂😂😆😆😆😁😁😁😁

  • natalie harless
    natalie harless个月 前

    The hippos!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • Joseph Federl
    Joseph Federl个月 前

    Jon Batiste is just the coolest. His musical quotes are always spot on. Creative. And fun. Touche sir....

  • Robbie Gail H.
    Robbie Gail H.个月 前

    Funniest "Quarantinewhile" EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Angelica A
    Angelica A个月 前

    Hippos kill more people than lions so that's scary stuff

  • Braden Scott
    Braden Scott个月 前

    Fun fact, cloaca is Latin for sewer, because it is the singular orifice used for everything and is pretty thoroughly disgusting.

  • yoyo57
    yoyo57个月 前

    You are done, alright.

  • Gerard Kean
    Gerard Kean个月 前

    I should not have watched this one at work as my face is flushed from suppressing a laugh at the last story

  • mustafa1name
    mustafa1name个月 前

    Fun fact - William Buckland also discovered the most northerly hippo fossils found anywhere in the world. Surely they must have been on cocaine to stumble into North Yorkshire, UK? Cocaine Hippos!

  • random anun
    random anun个月 前

    Hey steven... are you going to cover every small thing that biden does with the same bluster as your orange man bad monologues? Asking for a friend... also asking if you will be addressing the hippo in the room of cancelling the pipeline which killed 13000 jobs and set our closest in *distance and relation* allies into talks of war... we not doing that? Did the ministry of truth not ok that talking point today?

  • Les Rhoda
    Les Rhoda个月 前

    As a jazz guy I just need to say how much I love the new tag. It’s like someone said “Jon, you have ten seconds to play the sickest thing ever...AAAAAAND GO!” Hot damn did he not disappoint. I’ll be playing along to this on my air piano forever!

  • afreaknamedallie
    afreaknamedallie个月 前

    What's hilarious is "maybe it's just weird" is basically the H0 (null) hypothesis and absolutely my first reaction to finding anything as an archaeo/paleo monitor in the field.

  • Andrew Dumniak
    Andrew Dumniak个月 前

    we have been in Quarantine for a year now. how much longer will it be?

  • America Project
    America Project个月 前

    4:35: Flaring Lips would be a good name for a band

  • Caterfree10
    Caterfree10个月 前

    Somewhere, there is a scalie artist taking advantage of that dinosaur cloaca description.

  • Gen T
    Gen T个月 前

    This tickled my brain 😆

  • kakarroto007
    kakarroto007个月 前

    Jon Batiste is great.

  • Manda Pants
    Manda Pants个月 前

    How does Stephen know my recurring nightmare???

  • S Garber
    S Garber个月 前

    This whole segment had me 🤣 Also, whoever is in charge of making the intros to meanwhile is a creative genius and needs an award

  • Sharon Mullins
    Sharon Mullins个月 前

    Jon is a ray sunshine in the middle of the night! Love this guy!

  • silky Robinson
    silky Robinson个月 前

    Snakes don't do that, that's stupid

  • reallyreallyrhonda
    reallyreallyrhonda个月 前

    I'm sorry, "trailer park crop-top of news?!" Did I hear that right - or am I crying-from-laughing with sore abs for no reason?

  • Difriend gui
    Difriend gui个月 前

    Cruel people shit people are all around.when does this evilness cruelty against animals stop???

  • Serendipity W
    Serendipity W个月 前

    Quarantinewhile, this segment also airs on Animal Planet

  • Tom Branson
    Tom Branson个月 前

    I read the suggestion somewhere that the FCC needs labels or disclaimers legislation for Opinion networks such as Fox, AON and others. There should be labels like the movie and music industry has... there should be a large scrolling disclaimer every 30 minutes or so that repeats that the show isn't "news" but only represents the opinion of the network and is not pretending to present the truth. I think that this would go a long way towards breaking this cycle for a few of our citizens... for to "re-educate" these folks will be nearly impossible, or will be generational rehabilitation. It is becoming absolutely absurd and disgusting and we cannot continue in the current direction to have a healthy nation. We need to pressure the FCC to place labels on these networks.

  • A. Miller
    A. Miller个月 前

    I nicknamed my sister "Cloaca Face."

  • Some Guy
    Some Guy个月 前

    "...just a weirdly colored one" - fuuuuuckking lolololol

  • Padraic McDonnell
    Padraic McDonnell个月 前

    I like Cocain hippo. Thank god we're not talking about the other cocain, former chief in tantrums.

  • Umair Rizvi
    Umair Rizvi个月 前

    Yo john baptista was on fire today 😍😍😍

  • David Anderson
    David Anderson个月 前

    Next time they release a special cut of "Snakes on a Plane", they should add a scene like that somewhere.

  • Ella Trash
    Ella Trash个月 前

    Quarantinewhile transcription - Stephen Colbert, Jon Batiste "Oh, Maybelline, won't you be true? Oh, Maybelline, won't you be true? Start back doing the things you used to do." Welcome back to A Late Show, everybody. Say hello to Jon Batiste. Hello Jon! Yes, indeed, just driving on my V8 Ford. [laughter]Hey Jon, I-I'm worn out from last night's live show. It was exciting. I'm so glad we did it, what a great day, but I'm done. Do you have any energy you could impart through your fingertips into those ivories and inject into my soul? Oh yeah, I'm always put-putting the- I'm pushing the energy. I'm pushing the love. [music] I am- I am born anew. Thank you, Jon. Jon Batiste, everybody. Thank you, Sir. Folks, you know I spend most of my time raising and shearing the most topical sheep, gathering their wool and weaving it on my solid oak story loom. Then dying it with the purest word pigment money can buy to bring you the fine Aran Isles sweater that is my monologue. But sometimes, just sometimes, I like to take a trip down to the garbage patch; snag a raccoon, sedate it with some children's cough medicine, shave its tail with a box cutter, then use some chopsticks to knit it into the trailer park crop-top of news that is my segment: Quarantinewhile. Quarantinewhile, a couple in Canada is facing legal trouble for breaking Québec's new Covid rules. Where walking your dog is one of the only things allowed after 8:00 PM. But, police caught a woman walking her husband on a leash after curfew. Police were going to punish the husband, but he was into it. [laughter] Quarantinewhile, you may already know that notorious cocaine lord Pablo Escobar famously and illegally imported hippos to Colombia. Now, scientists warn Colombia's cocaine hippos must be stopped. Florida, you're up. Release the meth gators for science. Cocaine hippos are like regular hippos but they corner you at parties and insist that you guys should start a band. Problem is, the hippos have no predators and now pose a threat to local wildlife. You can see just how dangerous they are in this footage of the cocaine hippos in action. Coke, woo! I love coke, who wants to read my screenplay? I bet it's so good. Quarantinewhile, in snake news. Scientists discover snakes can turn their bodies into lassos to climb by working their bodies against themselves, as you can see in this infrared footage. Congratulations, spiders who lay eggs in my ears as I sleep, you are no longer my number one recurring nightmare. Quarantinewhile, scientists have announced the discovery of a new bat species in Africa that has a striking mix of fiery orange and black colors; but almost missed it, originally believing it to be just a weirdly colored one. I gotta say, “maybe it's just weird.” is not the most scientific explanation I've ever heard. Reminds me of fossil hunter William Buckland, who discovered the first dinosaur bones. “I may have discovered a previously uncataloged form of prehistoric life. Or maybe they are just some big freaky chicken bones, I don't know." Also, why don't we get done with the current pandemic before we go poking around in the caves for undiscovered bats? You didn't see people in the middle ages going “You know what would take our minds off this plague? A rat safari!” Quarantinewhile in a shocking development, Pepsi and Coca-Cola will not run ads during the Superbowl. So, what are we supposed to watch? Quarantinewhile, a new fossil from China of a Psittacosaurus is so well preserved that the opening that the Labrador-sized dinosaur used to pee, poop, and reproduce is visible. Or as the online publication Live Science put it, “The first preserved dinosaur butthole is perfect and unique.” Unexpected phrasing, but a huge leap forward in dinosaur butthole positivity. The opening in question is the cloaca, common in reptiles and birds. Experts say, “Most cloacas form a kind of slit. Sometimes, it's a vertical slit, sometimes it's a smiley face, sometimes it's a sour face. This thing has a v-shaped structure with a pair of nice flaring lips.” [laughter] And I'm upset to have read that out loud. [laughter] And, is this? And I'm being informed that Gwyneth Paltrow already released ‘This candle smells like a Psittacosaurus cloaca’. When we come back, I'll tell you about the latest game that Hollywood is buzzing about, stick around. [music]

  • Haywood Jablohmi
    Haywood Jablohmi个月 前

    Best segment yet

  • Virginie St-Pierre Dumont
    Virginie St-Pierre Dumont个月 前

    The woman who walked her husband on a leash lives in my city. I didn’t expect to hear about it in the late show. This is damn shameful

  • General JellyRoll
    General JellyRoll个月 前

    I say we go all in and lean in to this. Hippos in Columbia did great. What else could ship around the world. Penguin and a polar bear exchange program or cheetahs in New Mexico. We can do this but why? Gorillas in Hawaii

  • Robert Nesta
    Robert Nesta个月 前

    Baptiste the keys charmer. Right on every time. Respect

  • plein aire
    plein aire个月 前

    It's nice for a change to have Meanwhile talking about hippos and bats....rather refreshing!!!

  • Stephaine Williams
    Stephaine Williams个月 前

    I ❤ this show and jon the piano player is awesome what a great attitude so positive. Great talent👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

  • Megan Thompson
    Megan Thompson个月 前

    The dizzy sled uncommonly confess because oatmeal apically nest across a gleaming interest. kind, tight pepper

  • Ryan Malone
    Ryan Malone个月 前

    WAIT, spiders can lay eggs in your ear while you sleep? Oh no, oh no, oh no no no no no heeeeell no!!!

  • Pissed off Dragon
    Pissed off Dragon个月 前

    Yep I'm Canadian and it's FUCKING FASCIST

  • M. Showman
    M. Showman个月 前

    Did science not know about the snake thing? I had a snake that escaped out of its cage and did that to climb up on top of a shelf it was a tiny snake too

  • The Packers Smacker
    The Packers Smacker个月 前

    😂😂😂

  • Charlie Abrams
    Charlie Abrams个月 前

    Stephen: Hello John: Yes

  • Graeme
    Graeme个月 前

    Why are you not attacking Trump ?? He is still the president. So very soon its going to happen. BAM .. GITMO ... WWG1WGA..

  • MrMustacrackish
    MrMustacrackish个月 前

    Stephen you don't have a soul anymore. Is this the same kid who wanted to do Shakespeare for the public? You are more than your salary. Tell the truth. Stop being a stooge for a political party and above all make us laugh please.

  • Letter C
    Letter C个月 前

    Stephen was right about Sea Shanty being a “thing” ... the guy who started it and uploaded it in Tiktok just snagged a record deal because of it!!!

  • Phillip Green
    Phillip Green个月 前

    OMG that dinosaur butthole bit!!!

  • Aaron Oneal
    Aaron Oneal个月 前

    Last week tonight needs to do a video about ecosia they are a search engine that plants trees with their profits

  • jarrod yuki
    jarrod yuki个月 前

    america needs to: 1. gentrify the cities 2. kill all pets 3. reduce California taxes by half. 4. reform medicare and dental care. 5. tackle obesity, college tuition, and incarceration. 6. legalize class c drugs 7. give ubi to everyone. 8. deinstitutionalize the mentally ill. 9. also all american men should be bald no hair longer than 0.3 cm. 10. build infrastructure 11. reduce cost of day care 12. introduce gene drives.

  • J. Vega
    J. Vega个月 前

    Stephen could do audio books and it would sound erotic 80% of the time. And those are just the PG ones 😂

  • monkeymalletsvideos
    monkeymalletsvideos个月 前

    What's up with the backpack?

  • Bat man
    Bat man个月 前

    The numerous curve predominantly behave because moustache ethnopharmacologically command on a youthful underpants. sloppy, hard-to-find sunflower

  • Chris last name
    Chris last name个月 前

    Just get rid of Jon batiste and his crap band

  • cominroitover80
    cominroitover80个月 前

    Stephen "counting down the days that I kill myself on live TV because Trump is no longer in office to write my shitty jokes so I surround myself with black people so I look cool" Colbert

  • Coroner93
    Coroner93个月 前

    Jon "The Beast" Batiste

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